Oh Deer.........

Yes...fall in the Ozarks. Perhaps one of the scariest times of the year, deer season arrives.

And not just for a week as I first thought. No...there is a week for every weapon known to mankind. That gives everyone a chance to mame and perpetuate suffering to so many more creatures. You know if you can't shoot them with one kind of gun there will be a week for a different type---and if you are a totally lousy shot, there is always a bow and arrow.

Hey--don't get me wrong--I understand keeping the herds under control so we won't be overrun and trampled by millions of wild deer. The thing that bothers me is the total disregard by some so called "hunters" of the art of hunting. Just to go out and shoot something because it is moving---doesn't seem like such a great sport..buy the video game if you just want to shoot things for the heck of it. If you want to use the meat and feed your family that is different.

The other thing about the season that grates me the wrong way is where you can hunt.................not on my property.

Does posting a sign that states no hunting not clear enough--or are some hunters just so backwoods hillbilly they just can't read. Perhaps the sign needs to be just of a picture of a gun or bow and and "no" symbol around it--maybe that would be clearer. I think purple paint is sometimes used.....doesn't work if you are colored blind. So that is my rant about hunting.

The picture above is of a deer head in a tree.................interesting.

Now...a bird feeder is one thing---but hanging a deer head in your tree....that is just too much.

Hide the children.....and the pets......it's deer season....and there are some really lousy shooters out there.

Giddy-up-Budweiser anyone?

Last weekend was very different.....I looked outside and there were 3 draft horses in my front yard. I am talking HUGE horses-draft horses. Like in most cases when something unusual happens at home my husband was not here. I promptly called him on the phone, explained the situation and asked what I should do. He answered right away that I should go up to them and grab the mane of one of them and gently lead them out of the front yard. " OK, maybe he didn't say gently." I asked him if he was aware who he was talking to.......I don't do BIG horses. That's why I was thinking miniature horses--would be my livestock of choice. I know we are given all situations to teach up some kind of lesson, but all I could think this situation was good for was for me to write about it in my blog.

I asked for some advice from some folks that were doing work here and they called over a friend. The friend said that the horses were Amish work horses and for me not to touch them --and to call the county sheriff. I called the sheriff and they told me they were kind of busy and were not sure when they could get by. I finally had to leave for awhile and when I returned the

horses were gone.

The next morning when I got up, there they were again, so I called the sheriff's department again. A nice officer called me me back and I told him about the horses and he then told me that he was from the city and knew nothing about horses but he would come over anyway.

So... I headed down the road and asked of couple of people and finally came across 50+ Amish men all dressed up standing in a front yard. I yelled out to them and asked if any of them had lost a horse or 3. They said no---I didn't realize I had interrupted a church service, but I feel for sure that the Lord didn't want me to keep these horses either.

Finally 4 Amish guys came over in a buggy and led the horses into the woods and about 4 hours later came back to get their horse and buggy.

The saga was over--or so I thought. The horses had left several LARGE deposits in my yard and my dog thought it must be a new shampoo treatment---because for 3 days in a row I had to give the dog a bath from rolling in the fragrant glops of poo....

Oh....how I love life in the Ozarks.....

IT'S A .....WATERMELON!!!!

I have never grown a thing in my life(except for two wonderful kids). The only plant that I have had that lasted over a few days was a lonely sunflower. I did have a cactus once that I was trying to keep healthy. Someone suggested Geritol. This was not a good idea--It turned snow white by the next day.....way too much iron.

Well, just take a look at my watermelon. I know it is a work in progress. But--progress it the key word here--it IS growing. I know it is only about 2-3 inches in diameter---but so was I once--and man did I blossom.

So..................we will see.

Frog Hunting Season?

Everyday I am amazed at life here in the Ozarks. There is actually a season here for hunting frogs. The sport is called Gigging. This is so popular that there is actually a whole endcap at Walmart dedicated to the vital equipment to hunting these wild creatures. It seems to be a long pole (beause you wouldn't want to get too close- being as they are sooo dangerous) with a sharp object on the end of it to neutralize their power. In other words stab them to death. Thus we have Gigging. What would Kermit say! My Cousin Skeeter seems to think this is a great sport and of course even greater eating.

Here is a little frog story I wanted to share::

An older lady was somewhat lonely and decided she needed a pet to keep her company. So, off to the pet shop she went. She searched and searched. None of the pets seemed to catch her interest, except this ugly frog. As she walked by the jar he was in, she looked and he winked at her.

He whispered, "I'M SO LONELY, TOO. BUY ME AND TAKE ME HOME WITH YOU. YOU WON'T EVER BE SORRY."

The old lady figured, what the heck! She hadn't found anything else. So, she bought the frog. She placed him in the car, on the front seat beside her.
As she was slowly driving down the road, the frog whispered to her " KISS ME AND YOU WON'T BE SORRY."

So the old lady figured, WHAT THE HECK, and kissed the frog

IMMEDIATELY the frog turned into an absolutely gorgeous, sexy, young, handsome prince.

THE PRINCE THEN RETURNED THE OLD LADY'S KISS.
SUDDENLY THE OLD LADY FELT HERSELF TRANSFORMING FROM HIS KISS.
NOW CAN YOU GUESS WHAT THE OLD LADY TURNED INTO?
COME ON GUESS!
OOOOOOOHHHHHHH COME ON -- DON'T be silly!
*
*
*
SHE TURNED INTO THE
FIRST HOLIDAY INN SHE COULD FIND!!!

She's old..... NOT DEAD!

OLD LADIES ROCK!

This is a hair raising place

I have lived here for now 2 years. This community has 2,000 people in it and about a dozen salons and barber shops. NO KIDDING! In that case this should be the most beautiful community in all of America.That is one stylist for every 166 people. I personally have a wonderful stylist. She is classy and talented and way underpayed. She should be in a high end salon making big bucks. She also does the most beautiful nail art and has won competitons. I have included a pic of her doing my friend Lulu's nails.Believe me--she is no dummy.

This brings me to the story of the day. While I was at the salon getting my hair cut today there was a guy there getting a haircut by someone else. He said he was a STUMP GRINDER. It really sounds kind of nasty-so I had to ask what a stump grinder does. He grinds the stumps down after a tree has been cut down and chips the wood and then fertilizes and plants new grass where the stump was. Cool jub-huh?

I explained that I had only been here a couple of years. I think that he and the lady that was cutting his hair got a good giggle from that. I could tell that they were talking about me. I can only imagine what they said. I hope in some way my ignorance of the Missouri ways gave them a chuckle.

That's it for today.

NIght Watch

While everyone is sleeping, there are all kinds of critters creeping around at night.

These are pictures of a couple of raccons that come around each evening--and by the looks on their faces it doesn't seem they like the camera on the tree all set to sneak a shot of them--but it doesn't bother them enought not to come back---

What's Good for the Goose...

Cousin Skeeter here---Well, Denise set up a camera to see what she could see..and looks like the camera saw a goose. There are a pair of Canadian Geese on the pond here....and I think they are going to have little gooses---yum yum---Denise doesn't think it is such a good idea for me to think about eating them. What does she think I am a dummy?--ohhhh.....I guess I am huh....

Fox in the Turkey house?

Well, Denise went down to the barn(which doesn't hold any animals by the way) and took some pictures of a fox and her babes. So cute---so she thought. The next day we all hauled down there again---and to our surprise( or maybe not)-we found a big claw with a metal tag on it---

No turkey---just the fresh claw---oh gag.

I thought Denise was gonna blow lunch---not me--I have a stomach of basswood--ha ha.

Just another fun day here in the Ozarks....................

You might live like a redneck........................

You might live like a redneck....but not necessarily be one if.......................

your family Christmas card picture looks like the top picture here.

your cat sleeps in the sink like mine does .....Why should you use it to wash up?...there is a perfectly good pond right outside to wash up in.

you have nothing better to do than to take picutres of bugs doing the deed.

you live in the Ozarks and one of your best friends is a hillbilly and he is not even human.

Spring is in the air?

I thought I moved to the Ozarks for the wonderful weather.NOT!

It is Apr 13th and it's cold and rainy and snowing. Take a peek at the pic Denise took off the back porch. She has threatened to leave me outside in the snow unless I straighten up. That would not be a pretty site.I am warped enough as it is--mentally--I don't need to be warped physically too.

What's your sign?

I just gotta tell you- -Denise is always getting out her camera and taking pictures of whatever will hold still long enough for her to shoot it---Me---I would rather have something to show for it if I was gonna shoot it--like supper--not just a piece of paper--but she pays the rent--so I can't complain. Cousin Skeeter here to tell you about Denise's latest pictures. The first is of the local farmers market---Yes the farmers market--which consists of a black truck that sells honey---fryers rabbits---mmmm mmmm. Still alive--so there is still some sport in it, especially if you are a 30" wooden dummy. Then there is the rabbit manure---hmmmm---I was wondering what exactly do you use rabbit manure for anyway? Oh well waste not, want not--I always say. The other picture is of the main drag in town and a yellow ribbon around an old oak tree....well, not really an old oak tree, but yes Tony Orlando was in our town to perform.....thatis pretty near the neatest thing that's happened around these parts for a long time. McDonalds was just standing room only after the big concert. You go Tony........................

Walnut Pickin' Time

Cousin Skeeter here telling you about a time in the fall when the Ozarks is just a buzz of excitement--that would be Walnut Pickin' Time. This is the time of year that you see how many black walnuts you can pickup off the ground before the squirrels are able to carry them off for their winter survival.

Lot's of hours are spent gatherin' these nuts into bags, buckets, boxes, hats pockets or even the bed of your truck. This is one activity the whole community can share in-men, women, young and old-even the Amish collect the nuts-They collect these black walnuts and load huge flatbed buggies drawn by big horses and then off to the walnut processing center everyone goes.

Well--I thought it would be a good idea for Denise to hop on this big money making hobby.

After all there are lots of black walnut trees in her yard--How hard could it be?

You put a little nut in a bag and turn it in for big bucks--NOT!!!!!

After a couple of hours of walnut pickin'-we decided it wasn't as much fun as it looked.

Denise did find a handy little tool that helped a lot. This thing as you can see in the picture looks like a bingo cage with a handle on it. You just roll it across the ground and it picks up the nuts that are about the size of a golfball.I think picking up golfballs would be a much better idea -especially if the golf course was in Hawaii not Missouri.

The day finally came---It was time to run in the black walnuts for the big time cash reward.

We were the 10th car in line to take the walnuts to the big walnut hulling machine. The time was 900a on Oct 20th 2006. At 10:30 we were still waiting-but at least we were only 3 cars back now.

You know how it is when you get in line at the grocery store and the register tape runs out just as it is your time to check out--well, it was our turn and they said it was time to change out the walnut hulling truck.

The man in front of us decided to hop out of his truck and came on back and wanted to jaw a bit with us. He was 48 yrs. old-no teeth-started smoking when he was 40-did a stint in a mental hospital and his Sunday school teacher died a few days before--we found all this out in just about 30 very long minutes.

After 4 hours in line it was finally our turn--Denise figured we made 4.35 an hour for 4 hours.-yes that is what you get 13.00 for 100 pounds. We had 100 pounds. Yippee.

Imagine how happy Denise's daughter Holly was when we made it back home and Denise gave Holly her half--6.50 for helping pick up those smelly black walnuts.

I got zippo-nada---Denise I didn't help---I said --HELLO--I am a dummy...what's you excuse!

Cousin Skeeter

Hey--I thought it would be great if Denise posted a link to my first performance after I came to live in the Missouri last year--this gives you a lookie see into why my life is sooooo interesting living with this city girl in the Ozarks.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rqq5idxKXes

The Simpsons

Cousin Skeeter here. I really gotta tell you this woman has some real issues.When I first came to live here I was pretty near excited. She has a catfish pond with real catfish in it no less and since I'm made of Basswood I was thinking I would just float around the pond and catch me some lunch----but NOOOOO she named the darn things---The Simpsons-I think the one in the picture is Bart-he looks more like a meal to me. She doesn't want anyone to catch and cook them..No problem here--I'm carved out of wood after all-what's the worst that could happen-wood rot or I might swell up a little?-Sushi style is good for me. Here kitty kitty-here kitty kitty.

Cousin Skeeter tells all

Hi-

Cousin Skeeter here. I am one of Cousin Denise's long lost relatives. I don't think I was really lost-I just think nobody wanted to find me.

Denise's Dad was from New York City and her Mom was from Dierks Arkanas--what a coincidence so am I. As the years passed and most of the relatives died off, Denise set off her find her long lost kinfolk.She came to Arkansas and to her disappointment I was the only one left she could find. Well, to make a very long story just a little long she brought me back to Missouri to stay with her family for a while. I just kind of stayed on to look(mooch) after her. After all she needs alot of guidance in the stange land called the Ozarks.

I remember the first day we arrived at her house. She was so excited she literally ran through the house and out the back door to her porch. When she opened the door she was horrified and started screaming. I asked what was all the noise was about, and she told me to look outside.

I took a peek and there were 3 dead rabbits right there on the porch. I couldn't imagine what she was making the big deal out ---she saw 3 dead rabbits---I saw lunch and a new hat--

It's all the way you look at things. She has alot to learn.

Truck'n to school

This week was FFA(Future Farmers of America) Week at school. My daughter said it was quite a week. One day it was dress like a Farmer Day and everyone said the smell was unbelievable. Guys wearing their milking boots to school and the hallways smelled like cow patties made for an interesting odor I am sure.

Yesterday was Drive your Tractor to School Day. I took a couple of pics. It's just amazing. Today was Dirty Truck Day. Many kids here do something called mudding.You can see from the pics what that must entail. Very Interesting.

My friends(so to speak)

Here are a few pics of my friends that I have made.

The Beginning-Summer 2005

We arrived the beginning of August 2005 -just a few days before school started.

Charlie, Holly,her friend Kayla and I and of course our pets -2 rat terriers and our cat drove down the long, long, long gravel covered drive to the garage. My daughter and her friend stood in amazement -not realizing how far out in the country it was. We took a tour through the house-opened the back door and there was 3 dead bunnies on the back porch--it was at that moment that I realized I was very out of place.

I was raised in Dallas--a very conservative middle class Jewish girl--probably not cut out for the Ozarks.My mother was from Arkansas and father from New York City.So, with a little Arkansas blood in me I figured I was cut out for the country. The first time I had really been in the country was when my uncle Doc died in Arkanasas and I went to Arkansas(the non-Jewish part of the family) to the funeral---

He was laid up in the house and smelled like grape jelly--I was very young---and very freaked out--and at that point knew the city is where I belonged. I remembered the church service and them handing out the offering plate. Well, being raised Jewish I thought you were supposed to take what you needed from the plate -not put money in---that did not go well. My second visit was years later with my grandmother-back to Arkansas-and we stayed with one of the relatives and had a nice visit until it came to Sunday dinner. I had admired the chickens out in the back and made friends with a couple. That was a big mistake. Guess what we had for dinner? You guessed it fried chicken. I remember asking my aunt after dinner about a specific chicken that I had become a little attached to. Then I found out how really attached to that chicken I was---very attached I had had it for dinner.

And that is when I really knew--I am A City Girl.